People Don't Change So Stop Trying So Hard
People come to me with a desire to ‘change’. They are shocked when I say ‘time to let that go, people don’t change’. What I mean is, if you want to change what’s not working in your life, the ways you sabotage yourself, no matter what area of life, it doesn’t matter how many seminars you take, or books you read, or coaching sessions you have, there are going to be moments when you sabotage, when you run the default program.
Expecting they won’t, sets you up for disappointment, self-deprecation and you don’t need more of that! There is a reason you did those ‘things’, and despite the negative results you sometimes create, it’s in your context and coded, likely in your subconscious, and so manifests in your behavior. So don’t hope, instead lean into the possibility and the understanding of what it means to ‘transform’ those parts of self. Discover those parts, all the women in you, and when your angry self emerges, don’t expect to change her, understand her, check into what she needs, help her transform anger into positive action, or grab permission to speak up, or whatever is needed to create a new or better result.
When your sad self arrives, don’t try and change her, listen to her, understand what is generating the sadness and then help her transform that sadness into a new perspective, or transform sad into grateful and open to learning what you need to learn so you attract fewer situations or people where you are likely going to feel sad.
Take Stitch from the movie Lilo and Stitch. Stitch was a super angry alien who got kicked off his planet because he was unacceptable as he was. He arrives on Earth and realizes that he doesn’t fit in here either; he won’t be accepted as he is. He’s blue, has big ears and six arms! So he carefully assesses his situation and decides that to be safe (just like we do often), he resembles a dog, and so if he tucks two of his arms in and goes down on all fours he could pass for a dog (he’s not changing who he is, he is transforming how he shows up in an effort to be safe). Then he meets Lilo, and her sweet way of being annoys him and when angry his ‘true’ self emerges; out pops the arms! Ultimately what Stitch discovers, through the love of Lilo, (after she realizes he really is not a dog and that he is super angry and loves him anyway), is that he is not going to change his core, and with love and support he can ‘transform’ that part of himself into a gentler, kinder, still angry and still alien and it’s okay.
So love your inner alien, she is your teacher, help her transform and be amazing!
|Author||Rae Anne Schatz Wood|