Searching, Searching, Searching
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.
The practice of forgiveness is our most important contribution to the healing of the world.
Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.
In 1999 I started my transformational work, I decided to shift my world and dove into an intensive personal development program called Personal Best Seminars (now- Creator’s Code). I had no idea walking into this program, how it would change my life, but I was ready. I could not bear the thoughts of repeating my past and knew I did not have the skills to change it.
I did things I had never done before in this program, as I had never really participated in my own life, I was always everyone else’s cheerleader. I was the watcher, never the one who was doing anything. I had no self confidence or self esteem and because of this I accepted whatever crappy thing that came along, believing I had no choices. Well that certainly changed as I moved forward in my personal growth. There were those who were confused by my changes, and I was one of them. Who was I, and where had this person been all these years?
I had played small for too many years.
I stretched like an elastic band in this program, and cracked open my belief system to reveal myself to myself and the world. I found so much power and meaning to my life, that i decided to work for Personal Best as a coach, and continued to grow and learn, until I decided to move on to work on my own project...Fabulous@50.
To say I am grateful for this program would not even begin to express how I feel. Although I did curse them at times, because I could no longer look away and pretend I didn’t know.
I was the girl who read every personal development book, but because I didn’t really understand the concept of unconscious beliefs, I rarely ever made any lasting changes.
My belief system was pretty set with the idea that I was not loved or wanted. I accepted that so my belief system did everything it could to make that right.
I have forgotten how much I have learned, as some is so deeply rooted now that I can switch a negative to a positive in a few minutes, finding meaning and great gifts in the experiences others may see as doom and gloom. Some of my greatest lessons have bloomed from the worst that life has to offer, death, illness, divorce and loss.
Over the last few years, I have felt some changes in myself. Some shifting, some confusion on my journey forward. Is it time to slow down, change my routines, retire? Yikes, I didn’t think that would happen to me.
I talked to all my trusted friends, the wise ones, the coaches, the insightful ones. I was searching for some answers. I don’t like to make rash decisions, and I certainly did not want to sabotage everything I had built. So how do I move forward?
I have found over the years, that I get the best results when I relax, and let the answers come to me. Still working on that one.
So we packed up and went on a 3 week vacation to Central America. We traveled, explored, played, relaxed and did no work at all. What???? Yes, I did answer emails.
As I made my way home, a thought came to me. A question actually. Where do I want to be? Standing still, moving forward or sliding back to old beliefs and ways of behaving? That scared me. Had I slid back?
I had a big sign placed right in front of me and I almost missed it...almost, but I didn’t. Woohoo!!! I will keep the sign to myself to protect the innocent...;)
I don’t think I need to move as fast forward as I had when I was younger and friskier, but there is wisdom in moving slower.
I may not be growing as fast as I was when I started my journey, but I want to continue to be open, always learning about myself and being open to new ideas and to continue making a difference in the world I live in.
Bitter or Better?
What is the other choice, be closed off, bitter, opinionated, stubborn, full of resistance,...I could go on and on. You know the choice I will make.
I have accomplished more in these last 18 years, than the 40 before. Doing things I could not even imagine, like writing a book, organizing large events and the biggie, public speaking. Oh lord, I could hardly say my name in front of a small classroom of 30 people, when I started my journey.
I want to thank a few people who helped me transform into being the best version of Dianna. Rae Ann Schatz-Wood, Lynn Fiset, Laurel Vespi, John McEwan and some of you, who don’t even know that you have served me by helping me find the answers. It is not always in the positive situations that I find my answers, sometimes it is in the icky conflict and the uncomfortable situations.
If you want to chat, I am happy to share my experiences, my wisdom and anything you else to help you.
Dianna Bowes is the creative director of Fabulous@50 and editor of Be Fabulous! Dianna is also the author of The Fabulous@50 Re-Experience - Refresh your mind, body and spirit. Dianna Bowes is the creative director of Fabulous@50 and editor of Be Fabulous! Dianna is also the author of The Fabulous@50 Re-Experience - Refresh your mind, body and spirit.