Stop “Shoulding” on Yourself – How Belief Re-patterning Can Set You Free
“I have to…”
“I must…”
“I should…”
How many times have you started a sentence like that?
Every time we do, there’s often a hidden message underneath: I’m not good enough as I am. That somehow we need to change, improve, or fix ourselves before we can feel worthy.
Ouch.
I’m here to tell you—stop “shoulding” all over yourself! Those phrases don’t motivate you; they weigh you down. They create stress, self-criticism, and a constant feeling that you’re falling short.
Here’s what shifted everything for me: Belief Re-patterning.
When I first learned this process, I realized how many of my “shoulds” were actually old, unconscious beliefs picked up over a lifetime—things I didn’t even know were running the show. Belief Re-patterning gave me a way to notice those thoughts and flip them into something supportive and empowering in the moment.
Instead of “I should lose weight,” I could re-pattern it into:
💭 I love and appreciate my body for all it does for me, and I choose to support it with healthy habits.
Notice the difference? One is laced with guilt. The other feels loving and motivating.
Choosing From Love, Not Loathing
Let’s say you want to release some extra weight. Ask yourself—why?
If the answer is, “Because I should” or “I’ll only feel good about myself if I do,” that’s a red flag.
What if instead you thought:
“I like myself as I am—extra weight and all. I CHOOSE to release some extra weight so I can be healthier, have more energy, and enjoy life fully. And if I don’t, I still love myself.”
When we make choices from a place of love and self-acceptance, we invite change that sticks. Belief Re-patterning helps get you there, clearing out the old patterns that keep you stuck in self-criticism so you can genuinely choose what’s right for you.
Tips to Start Loving Yourself Today
Here are some simple ways—combined with a little Belief Re-patterning magic—to shift from “should” to self-love:
1. See What You Like.
Look in the mirror and find something you appreciate. Instead of “Ugh, my thighs,” say:
💭 I love how strong my legs are and the adventures they carry me on.
Admire your curves, your smile, your beautiful eyes. Belief Re-patterning can help you catch those automatic put-downs and swap them for truths that lift you up.
2. Treat Yourself.
Do something small and delightful daily—light a scented candle, enjoy a square of quality chocolate, or soak in a warm bath. And when that voice says, “You shouldn’t,” re-pattern it to:
💭 I deserve moments of joy and care every day.
3. Express Gratitude.
Carry a small “gratitude stone” or token. Each time you touch it, say three things you’re grateful for. If you’re stuck in traffic, you might re-pattern frustration into:
💭 I’m grateful I have a car, my favourite song is playing, and I can see the sunset.
4. Accept Compliments.
Instead of brushing off praise, receive it fully:
💭 Thank you—I appreciate you noticing.
Belief Re-patterning can help dissolve the discomfort that makes us deflect kind words.
5. Congratulate Yourself.
Notice your wins, big or small. Keep a journal of successes and re-pattern the “Yeah, but…” thoughts into genuine self-acknowledgment.
You Are Already Enough
You are a beautiful, sensual woman—wonderful just as you are. The journey isn’t about fixing yourself; it’s about remembering your worth and making choices that support your happiest, healthiest life.
Belief Re-patterning gave me the tools to stop beating myself up and start speaking to myself with kindness. It can do the same for you.
So today, instead of “I should,” try:
💭 I choose.
💭 I can.
💭 I am.
Because you are already amazing—and you’re only getting more fabulous every day.
Joanne Neweduk
Fabulous at 50